Squeaky Clean
by reiuki2
Summary: Qiuck oneshot about Ed and Envy taking a trip to the laundry mat, and things get a little heated...Full of crack, cheetos, crazed fangirls, and of course sex! How can something so dirty, feel so clean?


_**Squeaky Clean!**_

Rei: Hey Reviewers! How's it hangin'?

Envy: Same as always…(Looks down)

Rei: (stunned, but not complaining) Well that's…. _interesting…._ Anyway though, me and Km came up with this at the bus stop the other day, and I thought you might enjoy, plus it gives me a chance to practice my lemon skilz so here it goes! (Ps. This is meant to be stupid. It's meant to be a funny, cracked out sexified fic! Please enjoy!

But you know what really pisses me off? When people who write lemons, never use the simple terms, they use words like, _length, or member, _or my favorite _throbbing manhood._ Why can no one call it PENIS? That's what it is people, goodness….

……………………………….../………………

Edward got out of the car, and slammed the door shut with a huff. _'Boy that guy can get annoying'_ he thought as he walked up the short sidewalk to the front doors of the small gray building.

"Come on Ed, it was just a joke, no need to get all pissy about it!" Envy exclaimed as he followed Edward up to the entrance.

"Well Envy it wasn't a funny joke" Ed snapped, grabbing the handle to the door. They were at the Laundry Mat to take care of their dirty cloths, normally Ed went by himself, and did Envy's laundry for him, but for whatever reason, Ed managed to goad him into coming with him, and now he really regretted it.

Envy, who, by this point, had had enough of Ed's attitude, grabbed him free hand and swung him around, practically pinning the shorter blonde to the cold glass doors behind them. He got VERY close to Ed, sinking down so they were at eye level, a dangerous glint appeared in his mischievous violet eyes, as they glared into Ed's nervous golden ones.

"E-Envy people are st-stareing…" He stampered as Envy moved in,

"Go ahead and let 'em," he whispered, as he claimed Edwards's mouth, earning a surprised yelp from Ed, and some rather interested glances from several people inside.

Ed always felt light headed when Envy kissed him, so you can imagine what it was like the first time they "Did it". Ed had squirmed so much, really making it interesting for Envy, who enjoyed Ed's screams of pleasure, he found it very, entertaining at the least.

Parting for air, Envy looked at Ed through half-lidded eyes, seeing the flushed look on his face, he smirked his trademark smirk, and proceeded into the laundry mat, it took Ed a minute to gain his footing again, (and enough nerve to walk into the room of staring people,) but he soon followed Envy.

Ed set the basket of cloths on the counter besides a near-by machine and began to separate them,' _skort, skort, skort, tank top, skort, headband, boxers ( o.0 ), another skort…_' Ed wondered if Envy even owned any real cloths, because the only articles of clothing that covered body parts were Ed's, and Envy's occasional full pair of socks…

But Ed really couldn't see Envy wearing more conservative clothing, he liked Envy the way he was, and doesn't want him to change.

He was so lost in thought about Envy he didn't even realize Envy's gaze on him, and at that point, Envy decided would be the best time to strike.

He moved closer to Ed, and slowly reached, so that he could….

Ed jumped at the sudden contact, as Envy firmly grasped his rear with his long claw like fingers. Envy chuckled at the shy blonde, he usually wasn't so jumpy about physical contact between the two, no behind closed doors, he was quite frisky, but here in public he wanted Envy to behave. Like that was going to happen.

Envy leaned in even closer, and whispered in Ed's ear, "_You know Ed, I think we should put on a little show for all these '_desperate housewives'_ they look like they could use it…" _ he kissed Ed's neck lightly, making Ed blush violently and turn around sharply so he could face Envy,

"Not here Envy, later, back at my place…" Ed tried to focus on the job again, but Envy wouldn't have it, so, with his hands still on Ed's butt, he tightened his grip, and rubbed up against his body, showing Ed that he wasn't going to give up, but Ed was just as stubborn, so he snapped around to glare at Envy, gold met violet with an angry flash, and Ed spoke," Envy, you can get arrested for doing this kind of thing in public, so sit your ass down and give enough time to get your goddamn cloths clean!"

Envy responded with a muffled 'they're only dirty 'cause of you'' but sat down with an agitated sigh, _'I'll give you enough time to do the laundry chibi, but don't think you're off the hook yet…'_

Envy leaned back in the chair, and crossed his hands behind his head, looking around the room, several screaming children were begging their mother for more coins for the vending machine, Envy didn't like kids, making it a good thing he was gay, if he ever found out he knocked some chick up, he'd have a freakin' heart attack.

Fearing that he would die of boredom, he focused back on the young blonde in front of him. Man he had a nice ass, Envy would give anything to be able to take the blonde right now, but he would wait, he had before…

Ed could feel Envy's lustful stares, and grew a little…._excited…_ damn just the thought of Envy on top of him turned him on…_a lot_

He took a deep breath and he loaded the rest of the clothing in the basket and went to get soap, Envy followed.

"Look Envy why don't you go buy a snack or something, to keep yourself occupied…" Envy shrugged and stalked off to the back room, and returned not long after with a of chips in hand.

He plopped back down and watched Ed as he dumped some of the cloths into the washing machine, he leaned into it, which because of his height was harder then you might think, to finish getting the stuff in there.

Envy tossed a cheeto in the air, and caught it in his mouth, then he got an evil idea, on how to keep himself entertained.

Envy watched Ed as he straightened out and went to gather up the rest of the change off of the counter. He felt the distinct feeling of something hitting the back of his head, then something else, A small orange item bounced onto the table a little to the left of the pile of quarters…

_Is that…a Cheeto?_

Ed sighed, and continued to count the money, growing agitated at Envy's persistence. Several Cheetos later, found a very annoyed young blonde.

He turned around to face the obvious culprit, just to get hit in the nose by a well aimed crunchy cheese snack.

He stared in disbelief at Envy's childish actions, but he also found it to be kind of cute. He couldn't help but smile at Envy, who smiled back mischievously.

Ed walked to him, and leaned down to face him, "I'm done for a while so I can keep you company for a while…" He straightened up and Envy's spirits raised as he joined Ed." So what do you wanna do, they've got some games in the back, we could go play-"

"You know what I wanna do Ed," He tugged at Ed's hand impatiently, trying to lead him to the bathroom…

"But Envy there are people here, some one could catch us and-" Envy silenced him by kissing him roughly on the mouth. And he managed to get the reluctant blonde into the bathroom before he could really protest more.

The door closed behind Envy with a sharp click, and after making sure it was locked, he stalked over to the shorter male, leering at him with a predatorily smirk, and claimed his mouth once again.

His tongue eagerly explored every inch of Ed's mouth, extracting several noises from the boy, all of which Envy loved. His fingers wasted no time as they toyed with the front of Ed's shirt, a few quick motions exposed his perfectly sculpted tan chest, which Envy's hands skated over teasingly.

Ed saw there was no way out of this, so he too put his hands to work and removed Envy's ever-present tank top, as to show the thin pale features that Envy had, in all truths, Envy looked like a girl, with a skort, long hair, a high pitched voice, and Envy's unusually pretty face, Ed had actually thought Envy to be a girl the first time they met, but he soon learned better.

Envy's hand danced around to Ed's back and played with his shoulder blades, before inching downward to the waste band of Ed's tight leather pants, slipping past it he was able to fully grasp the soft round hump that was Ed's Ass.

Ed moaned into the kiss, as Envy's nails gently dug into the sensitive flesh below his waist line.

Envy lifted Ed firmly against him, setting his little lover on top of the sink, and kissing him hotly.

Ed struggled to get Envy's skort, as Envy had similar problems with Ed's pants. But of course, he was able to get them off soon enough, and impatiently he removed his own clothing.

Now that Ed was bare of any protection from Envy's probing eyes, so he could see just how much Ed wanted this too.

"Oh Edo, you're a little har-" Ed punched him in the shoulder before he could finish his dirty comment.

Envy rubbed the afflicted area, and pouted. Ed just stared at him flatly. Then Envy's smirk showed through, and he turned Ed around, leaning him over the sink.

"What are you doing Envy?'' Ed protested, as Envy positioned himself at Ed's entrance.

"Come on Ed, we're doin' it doggie-style!" He laughed.

"Um Okay I- AHHH!" Ed grasped the edge of the sink with all his might, as Envy thrust himself into Ed.

"Damn Envy, you could have given me some warning first, you bastard!" Ed yelled through clenched teeth. Envy just let out a satisfied chuckle, as he pulled out his penis (XD!) slowly, Ed hissed with every second he did so.

Envy slammed back into Ed's tightness, as Ed let out an exasperated gasp, He dug his finger nails into the smooth skin on Ed's waist, and slowly pulled back out, this time slightly faster, and slammed back in.

Soon a sturdy rhythm was formed, and Ed was screaming in pleasure, much to Envy's delight. Ed slipped his hand down to wrap around his own penis (XD!) and began pumping quickly, as the two grew closer to release.

Envy was thrusting so quickly, his hips were beginning to grow sore from impact, as was Ed's booty.

Ed let out a low sustained moan as he reached his orgasm. Envy, who had been waiting for this, also cried out with release, Ed collapsed on the cold surface of the sink, and sighed. Envy pulled out and lay part of his weight on Ed's bare body, both of them breathing heavily.

Envy chuckled and Ed did too, soon they were both laughing like mad-men.

"You think they heard us? " Envy asked, getting back up, gathering up his clothing, Ed did the same, though he was blushing.

"I hope not…."

"I guess we'll find out, huh." He said pulling on his skort. As soon as they were both dressed, they went to find out their answer.

When they opened the door, they were greeted by the several astonished stares from the women in the laundry mat.

Ed turned pure crimson, Envy laughed hysterically. The young blonde stood his mouth gaping, and he rushed back over to his counter, Envy swaggered along beside him, smirking.

All was silent in the room, until a single round of applause rang through, soon joined by another. Ed turned around to see two girls, one with brown hair, the other a short blonde, they were clapping like a couple giddy school girls, whooting their approval.

Envy laughed even more, where as Ed resisted the urge to cry. He had never been so embarrassed in all his life, and you know Envy wasn't going to let him forget it.

Envy leaned in to whisper in Ed's ear. "I think they heard us Edo…"

"Ya think?" Ed responded, emptying the washing machine and loading them in the dryer. Once this was completed he sat down by Envy, who slyly draped his arm around Ed's shoulder and pulling him close, lightly kissing the top of Ed's head.

Ed couldn't help but smile, and embraced the older male in a semi-hug, earning a few more giggles from the girls.

Twenty minutes later, found Ed asleep, lying against Envy's warm body, Envy leaning back against the back of the chair, snoring lightly. They were so lost in slumber, they didn't hear the buzzer go off on the dryer, and they certainly didn't hear it, when the two crazy teenagers from before, slipped over, and robbed there basket of clothing, making off with about five pairs of boxers, and a sock.

What did wake them up, however, was the bright red plastic ball that smacked Envy in the face. He woke up with a "What the FUCK!" and in turn caused Ed to be knocked to the floor, when a pissed off Envy, went on the hunt to find the little bastard that owned the ball.

Ed sighed and got to his feet, running after Envy to save him from killing the poor four year old boy, who was stupid enough to disturb Envy when he slept.

"I HATE kids!" Envy pouted, as he sat back down. Ed shook his head and went to retreive their cloths, noticing the decreased amount of boxers, but not saying anything.

"Oh come on Envy, I like kids, their not that bad…" Envy scoffed, and stood back up. He moved back over to Ed, and wrapped his arms around Ed's hips once more, though Ed was not as annoyed by this point.

"Come on Envy, let's go, I'll fold these later…" Envy perked up and rushed out the door, leaving Ed to carry all the clothing back out to the car.

Slamming the back door of the car, he moved into his own spot up front, pouting. Envy flicked his cowlick playfully, making Ed smile, he started the car, the radio flickered on right in the middle of Envy's favorite song, and he began singing off key.

Ed laughed and Envy slugged him in the shoulder lightly, "Maybe we should do this more often, I could even go shopping with you some day…"

"Yeah, and maybe you'll actually help next time."

"And maybe pigs will fly,"

"Maybe…"

………………………………...

Rei: Well, that's it!

Wolf: Why on earth did you put the word BOOTY in the story?

Rei cause it is a freakin' awesome word.

KM: Cool, but tell me something, those two crazy teenagers, that was us right?

Rei: How did you kno?

KM: Cause you said the short blonde girl (Pouts)

Rei: sorry… (laughing)

Wolf: Hey what did you do with all those boxers, and the sock….?

Rei & KM: do you really wanna know?

Wolf" noooooo……

Rei: You know if you liked it, I could write another oneshot where they go to the supermarket, that could be fun… R&R LOL!


End file.
